Hands Touching Animals

Bretheren, we are witnessing the beginning of a beautiful, lifelong friendship between a dog and a fire hydrant. Sigh. They grow up too fast.

Do you even know how hard it is for dogs to Smize? Coupled with his “broken down dog” pose, this is truly a superb feat of canine modeling. Ford Agency, are you watching?

Pastor Derek and I witnessed this cat single-handedly lifting the back wheels of this car off a pinned orphan. We tried to get his name, but all he would say is “Just doing my job.” Bless you, tabby. Bless you.

Do not be fooled – this is not a dog, but a Muppet. As soon as I took my hands off her, she started playing the piano and telling corny jokes. Devilry!

I met this lovely yellow lab at Toronto’s Ukrainian street festival a few months ago. Her charm and poise more than made up for her complete lack of pierogi-making skills.

I was recently in Buffalo, New York for my semi-annual pilgrimage to its renowned sacred sites (Target, Walden Galleria, Kentucky Greg’s), and happened to meet Oliver, the local Greyhound Rescue ambassador. Associate minister Keltie and I borrowed him for the afternoon and took him to Macy’s where he ruthlessly critiqued our dress selections. Thanks to his tough-love advice, there will be no more muffin tops coming out of this bakery.

On a serious note: Greyhounds are loving, gentle creatures who get a bad rep. If you’re looking for an even-tempered and quiet family dog, you could do a lot worse. Contact your local Greyhound Rescue the next time you’re on the lookout for a new pet. You won’t regret it.

We discovered this harvest-hued tomcat in the fertile regions of the east end. He was planning a Samhain celebration, but we talked him into hosting a Purity Feast instead. Onward and upward, young tabby!

At a recent visit to Kensington Market’s Pedestrian Sundays event, I spied these three children successfully performing a canine exorcism on this perky puppy. The demons were sent into a nearby rack of fresh empanadas, which were later consumed by a family of four who promptly sprouted cloven hoofs and tails. Close call, pup.

Goat kids are even wilier than their fully-grown peers, presumably because the magick is more concentrated in their compact bodies. This young ruffian was clearly angling for my ring of office, hoping to gain the power of flight. I quickly withdrew, turning my attention to his parents — who proved highly convertible. I can only hope they will impress the faith upon their offspring. The force is distressingly strong in this one.

The roving ministerial team tells me this innocent-looking calico cat was once prideful, spiteful and vindictive. She now volunteers as a drapery repair seamstress, devoting herself to a life of atonement for past misdeeds.

More after the jump. (more…)